life lesson

... it's that you don't want to do it. There's a difference there.

Hello everyone!

You probably wonder what's this title all about, though it should be self-explanatory. Yet, i need to rant and get angry at certain people and at myself as well, and my blog is the best place and way to do this. 

It's less damaging and maybe, just maybe .... maybe? 

someone [including myself] will understand this, and stop saying "i can't" and just admit you don't *fducking* want to do whatever there must be done. 

Except there's no film to roll back, and i have to explain the situation. if you don't want to read the backstory, feel free to scroll down to the next title. 

This past week [10 to 16 of july 2022] we went out on a very hot day for some beauty treatment. Seeing it was so hot, we decided to have some ice cream, though all we wanted was to drink something.

We found this *NEW* ice cream place uptown that used a chimney cake, aka Kürtőskalács, as the cone for the ice cream. There aren't many flavors of ice cream to choose from, but their names were really cool: fashion vibe or strawberry vibe. This is what they look like: 

As you can (or maybe not so much), the fashion one (on the right), is actually cocoa ice cream with pieces of chocolate, and with the chimney cake covered in cocoa powder. That one was my ice cream. The other one was anna’s and she didn’t want to eat it right away. 

Taking it home was troublesome for this Vibe place didn’t have anything to carry the ice cream in. Luckily, the area has plenty of other options for ice creams and many have containers for takeout.

So, we went to the nearest one, and I asked for one such container. Not for free, mind you. And the cashier says “oh, sorry, I don’t have containers!” They were piled RIGHT behind her! Everyone could see them!

I had to point out that my ice cream was melting and making a mess in her store. That was when she decided to ask her supervisor what to do. This situation turned my into THAT customer that says "can i speak with a manager? :) " 

‘Can’t’ - reserved for very few instances 

These are mental health issues that are difficult to ’cure’ or overcome. They simply incapacitate the sufferer from doing whatever caused them to suffer in the first place. 

Not everyone might suffer to the same degree from the same issue. For instance, I can’t watch scenes with folks trapped in tight spaces: I feel as if I am in their shoes and I start panicking and hyperventilating. Others in the same situation as me might have a different reaction. 

Let's say, you just start learning something new just for fun, or for whatever reason. Someone asks you to help them with a project in your new area of study. All sounds nice, and they even offer to pay for your service.

The problem is when they ask for help on something you didn't get to study yet or is a bit too difficult for you to understand.  

Let's say you might plan on meeting with your friends a few days in advance, but then you forget or something else comes up that needs your urgent attention. 

In such a case, you clearly have to say "I can't, something else came up that is more important." You don't really need to explain more than this unless it's a close friend. 

This usually applies to those with a disability. Let's assume you have to climb some stairs, but you're bound to a wheelchair and there's no ramp available. Sadly, there still are places in such a state. It's not as if you're going to crawl to wherever the stairs go. 

It also applies to doing something that goes against your beliefs. This can be related to consuming alcohol, smoking (anything), sleeping with someone to whom you're not married, etc, etc.

Should any of these be the case, it's PERFECTLY fine and acceptable to say "I can't" and you could explain why as well unless it's visually noticeable. 

©Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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The first image belongs to Outcast and is shared for educational purposes.

Hello, everyone! 

It’s half-hour to midnight as i start typing this. I wrote several entries before, related more or less to this topic here and here.

Self-love is difficult. I should know because for the longest time i felt ‘i wasn’t enough.’ Enough what, you say? Enough anything. Especially not good enough. 

i know im not the only one feeling this way. Last year i finally accepted i needed help to get out of the dark spot i was in. This was also difficult for me to accept. 

What helped me to finally accept this was Anna. Her support was and still is beyond what words can describe. She’s a blessing to me. 

So, i started ‘therapy’ and treatment, at first for anxiety. The treatment for depression started some 3 months later. I feel MUCH better. The results started to manifest some 3 weeks into the treatment. 

I'm not fully cured or fixed. I don’t know if i ever will, but who knows. I hope i'm getting there or that i'm on the right path. 

No self-love

It’s hard to love thyself when you feel you’re not enough. like i said, I constantly felt this way, even before i showed no signs of bad anxiety or depression. I used to doubt myself, not feel confident enough when going out, and always feel like an impostor even when i was going to buy a bottle of soda. 

The few times i felt better when out and about, was when i was wearing what i perceived as "unusual" clothes. This was related to what the majority wears: office clothing, casual, smart/casual, and sports. 

So, my sense of "unusual" is something that could be remotely associated with subcultures, like for instance goths or rockers. i also like the avant-garde, urban decay, and futuristic styles. 

At home, the "not enough"/impostor feeling, weirdly enough, made me procrastinate. Did i know this doesn't help with anything at all? Logically, yes, of course, i did. However, knowing this didn't and doesn't magically motivate me to become (pro)active. 

At night, i used to have many dark thoughts as well as heavy guilt that was not mine to bear. These dark thoughts and guilt, i don't want to talk about. At least not now. i hope i never will be forced to talk about them. 

How can a person riddled with dark thoughts and guilt, love themselves? I have no idea, because i couldn't. 

I eventually got rid of these thoughts and guilt through prayer. I prayed with a lot of hope and pain. That evening i felt a tall dark human-like figure entering the bedroom and sitting on my bed. i didn't feel any evilness from it, just calmness.

Like a black hole, it sucked all those thoughts away. They never returned, or at least not to that extent. But this was still pretty far from ending everything. The scars are still there. At least one wound didn't completely heal. i don't know if it will ever. 

In time, all these along with other issues, like the water problem, got me in the dark spot of depression. 

it took some time for me to admit this and to accept the treatment. But everything changed once i did. 

Some self-love

The antidepressant made me not care whether i'm enough or not. I don't feel like an impostor anymore, and i feel more self-secure about everything. Well, maybe not about every little thing, but, you know, most things. 

Even more important than this, i can laugh! I can laugh so much more easily. Before the treatment, laughing was some sort of luxury. Everyone could do it but me. And it feels natural, normal ... GOOD! 

So, what does self-love have to do with anything? it does. Almost everything, actually. If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. How? if you don't love yourself, or take care of yourself, you can't take care of those who you say you love. 

Why? Because you'll stretch yourself left, right, up, and down, again and again. At a certain moment, you'll stretch too much and snap, if you're unlucky. I was unlucky in '16 but we don't talk about that year this way.  

When you take care of yourself, you won't stretch yourself out to the breaking point. You have boundaries. Boundaries are healthy for your mental wellbeing. Not stretching yourself too much means your chances of snapping are much lower. This means you can be around for those who you love and who love you back, for longer.

…forgiving oneself…

Self-forgiveness is an important part of self love. It’s well known that nobody can criticise you more than you can. We often have the impression that we made some huge and horrible mistakes regarding some small stuff. Others might say otherwise if you were to ask them. 

And you know what? They may be correct at least some 99% of times. So, if there arevery high chances for them to forgive you, why don’t YOU try to firgive yourself? It’s NOT your fault for what happened. Surely you did your best with the tools and knowledge you had. Or you simply didn’t know any better. 

You need to understand that we are just humans and all we can do is trying our best. When we make mistakes, we can apologize, learn from them, and try to fix them. 

This post was written on different days, so now, when I post it I’m not sure what was the original point I wanted to reach. I do hope it will be of some help for some of you out there. 
 

See you next time ~~~~

Sigh.. 

I just can't man, i just can't with people and their narrow minds... 

it's so frustrating these days because almost everyone and everywhere you turn, you're expected to be:

• politically correct 
• be careful not to step on people's toes
• be mindful of what you say because 1 person could get offended. 

1 person!!! GETS OFFENDED!!! 

Dear offended anon, whatever is said has NOTHING to do with you. 

If you think it does, then perhaps there's something wrong with YOUR behavior or the way you perceive things. The only conclusion or advice i can come up with is to seek some help. 

Nobody is trying to insult others for absolutely no reason. 

There are many instances where even a group of people gets offended by history or some ideas or stories depicted in some books. The group decides to BAN the "offensive" books. Read about such an example right here. The ban was due to 8 swear words and some nudity. It’s insane considering that we have TV shows with more profanities and nudity than that book.

This is so tiresome!

Disclaimer: 2 of the pictures here don’t belong to me. 

Most of this censorship is enforced on social media networks like FB, YT, IG, TWR. Some of the censorship is encountered in various online games aimed at either kids or adults. I agree that users of the kids games should be careful with their words. But not to the extent of banning certain words like ’grapes’. If you remove the first letter, you’re left with a violent action for which severe punishment is needed. But what if you really talk about the fruits called that? 

Perhaps banning a word or two isn’t so bad on a kids’ game. But how about that game removes the possibility of user interaction through its forum instead? Child predators can easily create accounts and start ‘grooming’ their innocent victims.

At the end of the day, the banning of some words on this gaming platform has this purpose: protecting kids, and this is understandable, despite the measure being rather silly and pointless. 

There’s a far more concerning situation though, when it comes to freedom of speech. This is in the context of the health crisiss we still have going on, along with the war. 

We all saw or heard from the news that certain countries in Africa refused to get vaccinated or use the mask. The news were saying that the presidents of those countries declared their countries will not adopt the measures. Fair enough, if you ask me. 

However, i’m pretty sure that the statements issued by those leaders meant that the state won’t force its citizens to adopt any safety measures, like most other countries around the world did. 

Now, if we were to walk the streets of some of the main cities, we surely would have seen some masked individuals. Most likely, it would have been a rare sight if the climate of the country is warm or hot year-round. 

Another example would be ‘people from X country eat only spicy food.’ This statement would be classified most likley as racist, even if more races of people lived in that country. 

i believe that the statement is a bit of a blanket/umbrella one. Perhaps the country is known for its spicy couisine. This doesn’t mean every single person would eat it, especially not every single day, 3 times a day. 

What bothers me with the situation above is that, in writing, we have to explain that perhaps ‘the majority in country X eats spicy food,’ or that ‘the cuisine in country X is known for its spiciness,’ or else we’re seen as uneducated ignorants.

Another example is talking ‘bad’ about former employers. Why? If the former employer treated you bad, you should be able to ring the alarm and let others know about it. Maybe, indeed, you were not a good match for that company and another person is. If they hear you speak badly about the firm, they might lose on getting the job they really wanted.

i wonder how often would this be the case, though? Realistically speaking, if your boss treated you badly, there’s no saying they won’t treat others the same manner. If you don’t speak up, their shitty behaviour won’t stop. 

A person acting shitty towards those helping him/her run the business doesn’t really deserve to be successful in this endeavour. I stringly believe mistreated employees have to speak up. The mistreatment isn’t directed at a single person, but everyone keeping the business running -just look at the fast fashion industry.

This is it from me, for now, on this topic. See you next time!

©Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Hello everyone!

DISCLAIMER: This post was started before the illegal invasion of Ukraine happened. I'm aware of that situation. I choose to post this entry because we all want and need a form of escapism from reality. It doesn't mean we don't care about what happens out there. 

Even if you live in a country without an actual conflict going on, or generally thought of as safe to travel to, you might have other issues. They could relate to money, family, mental or physical, pets, or who knows what else. I do know that i, myself, watch videos and read blogs to escape from whatever troubles me. It's like a very short mini vacation. 

For now, i have nothing of importance to say about the situation in Ukraine. all i can say is that Romania receives refugees - either Ukrainians who want to be safe (mostly women and children, of course) and foreigners who went to Ukraine to work, travel, or to study. Talk about innocent people being in the wrong place at the wrong time, huh?  

Time management is important for everyone. This entry comes after several similar experiences with Anna at the same beauty clinic she goes to for several years now. 

I don’t want to talk about specific cosmetic procedures and problems some people have or get after. It’s your body, hopefully your money too, and you decide what you do with these. We don’t judge these aspects here. 

As you may know, each intervention has a certain duration. In most cases the doctor needs to also prepare the patient for what will happen. The preparation may involve:
    ◦    Drawing on the face
    ◦    Seeing what needs to be done 
    ◦    Presenting the various solutions available 
    ◦    Applying a numbing product
    ◦    Waiting for it to show effects 

Only after all of these the actual procedure is done. 

I won’t name the beauty clinic because the doctor has very good results and isn’t trying to make more money off of people. 

However, the clinic’s secretary is a bit annoying. She speaks quite a lot, seems to not be paying attention to anything, or even has any idea of what the services of the clinic are, or how it should operate. Additionally, she schedules the patients quite close one to the next, as far as hours go. She might have been instructed so by the doctor herself, I don’t know for sure. 

I believe the reason is that the doc may think that while someone waits with the anaesthetic on, she can proceed with the previous patient. And I understand this thinking, except it doesn’t always work out as seamlessly as it sounds. 

The reason is rather easy to figure out: the time it takes for each procedure. Some can last for 30 minutes, others for 1.5 hours and even 3. If you make a person come 1,5 hours before a long intervention ends, that person will waste time and not be happy. Plus, the doctor is also human and may need to eat, use the restroom, get a bit of a break, talk with the staff, etc. 

Today, Anna had an appointment at 5 pm. We got there on time. Some 5 minutes later, another chick comes, and says she also has an appointment at 5pm, with the same doctor, just some other intervention than Anna. This chick was called in first. Anna’s turn was 30 minutes later. 

As I type this, it’s already 6 pm and she’s still waiting for the doctor to go to the procedure Anna asked for. 

I don’t think this is acceptable considering that at times, there are even more patients in this small clinic with barely any seats for everyone. The seats i saw, for patients to sit on while waiting, are:

• the one i was sitting on when i took the pics in this entry,
• the one partially seen in the image above,
• a couch on the ground floor, seating 2 or 3 people. 

Not to mention, the interventions are pricey - well, OK, here they're a bit cheaper compared to other similar clinics, but still. 

And here i thought that I was bad at managing my time and other resources. It seems some businesses are worse than me. 

I honestly forgot if i ever wrote any entry on me starting a planner. I do remember (because i found it) that i wrote an update about it. You can read the update here. I used a planner for 4 years and a half in total. I do have another so called planner for this year, but it's mostly to help me realize when i post on my review site. 

In all honesty, what i used, can't be called a planner because i didn't make or write down plans in it. I mostly kept track of my sleeping hours, when i worked out or walked a longer distance than from home to the closest supermarket and back.  

Despite my procrastination and bad management skills, I still figure out a way to meet my deadlines while offering the best possible project. So, yea, I'm really disappointed in how bad this clinic manages their appointments and doesn't consider the time their clients has available. 

Ok, enough ranting and bragging for one entry. More next time! Bye~~~

(c) Charly Cross 2013 – present. all rights reserved.

Hello everyone... 

I didn't think i'd actually I'd come here to talk about this. Although, the whole point of my blog, this one, was to talk about this topic at least once. 

You see, in almost 40 years of being on this Earth, I did meet a decent share of people. Weird people. I feel I only met weird people. This made me NOT like being around people and instead live in a comfy bubble with my fiance. And you know what? it's not so bad. 

Weird comes in many different shapes and forms. there's one common point though: the type of weird I'm talking about, makes you feel drained, makes you question yourself (you generally shouldn't question yourself, but more about this later - i think), this weird doesn't respect you or your boundaries. This type of weird makes you live a toxic life. 

ok, ok. I'll jump into the meat of the topic because i don't want a longer intro than i need. There's no order to the signs or red flags, but if you see them, RUN! 

they write. a lot 

When a person writes a lot is not always a sign you should run. except for me it is, because I'm an introvert and i rarely can connect with a stranger and just be able to talk about everything under the sun. 

But, let me define this "a lot":

• long and VERY long messages (at least longer than you're used to)
• often - say several times per day if it's an email; or too many texts in a very short period of time
• at odd hours - or what you consider to be odd hours; this applies to text messages

Now, i heard that in some cultures, like in East Asia (South Korea for instance), sending many text messages in a short period of time it's just a sign of caring for the other person. They might think you're already in a relationship if they do this. if you find yourself seeing an East Asian* person who acts this way, you don't really need to run, just talk about it and see if they see you as their partner already. If you're looking or hoping for a relationship, then you probably just got lucky. 

However, if the person is not East Asian, but as we say, a Westerner, you might want to consider ghosting this person, hide, and run.  Why? because the majority of Westerners don't show affection through many and long messages or emails. We mostly use words and objects instead of actions and gestures in a more direct manner, whereas an East Asian person would use more subtle words and actions that could make a Westerner feel suffocated. 

*I have to say East Asian because I'm not familiar (in any shape or form) with the behavior of Asians from other regions of this large continent, sorry. I also want to mention that by East Asian i refer to those who grew up and live in this rather large area of Asia, because i have no idea if people of this descent that grew up in a different part of the world act the same or not. 

they tell you 'stuff' (too soon/fast)

The stuff i refer to here is inappropriate stuff. I'll give you some examples. 

a. If the person is of the opposite gender, and suddenly mentions yours or their relationship status, this could be a red flag and you should probably stop communicating with them. The 'relationship status mention' could be casual and direct "Oh, so do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" But it can also be indirect, but still sounding casual "So, what does your partner think of us talking?" 

Do i need to mention that if you can't trust your partner (if you have one) or if they can't trust you, the 2 of you probably shouldn't be in a relationship? It's true that people cheat. it's also true that once you've been cheated on, it's hard to trust a new person not to do the same. However, this is not the topic I want to talk about today. 

b. Another thing they could say is "i hope you won't tell me things like ...." This is reversed psychology and they actually hope and want you to tell them those things. Don't let yourself be manipulated like this! Nobody should tell you what you can say or not say. 

The only exception here is if you offended them or someone else without knowing/meaning to, and they're asking you to apologize.  

c. They could say "I love you" a bit too soon after the 2 of you met, say in less than a month. "I love you" has a lot of weight. Also, not everyone is comfortable hearing it. There is such a thing as "love at first sight," sure but i believe it's usually reciprocated. If you don't feel the same for the other person, perhaps you should run away. 

Now, you'll have to pay attention to the background of the person too. People living in different cultures will approach a new relationship in different ways. They also may perceive those from a different culture in a certain light (usually stereotypes), and I'm sure you do so too. Stereotyping is not ok, it's just what we're exposed to the most. if you're not searching for a partner, make this clear to the person from a different culture you just met. 

they don't understand hints

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. This is a long one to explain and can turn into a dangerous situation. I'll try and be as brief as possible. 

Clearly, we all want to be liked and be seen as good people. This makes us act nicer than usual towards those we just met. i call this "testing the waters" to see what kind of person the other one is.

However, sometimes we meet new people and we simply don't like them. We can't like everyone and not everyone will like us. This is normal life. Yet, the other person might actually like us, even if we don't like them. 

At a certain point, we realize we receive unwanted attention, but because we don't want to be the bad guy, we're trying to be diplomatic about it. This could be avoiding spending more than 2 minutes alone with them, making up excuses for leaving faster/not meeting up, trying to suggest to them to leave, and a bazillion other things. The result? they still linger around, making the situation awkward. By this point everyone else knows how you feel towards the new individual and how that individual feels towards you. 

Seeing that these hints don't have any effect, it's time to be more firm and clear about how things are. Tell them directly you're not interested and have someone else around as well, and have the 3rd wheel (so to speak) talk in your place. 

If this also doesn't work, perhaps simply ignoring them and not replying at all, might work. Depending on the situation, you might want to change the environment in which you met this pest. in other words, run and hide. 

they might talk about a single topic

Or something you aren’t interested in, and they might talk A LOT about it, to the point of repeating everything, several times.

Talking about a single or a limited number of topics can be a sign of some mental issue or illness - i forgot the correct term, sorry. Here I mean people who are on the autistic or Asperger's spectrum, have Dawn syndrome, and a few others. 

Being involved with such a person can be difficult without the proper training or exposure. Not even all therapists can treat/counsel these individuals.

This is a touchy/sensitive topic to talk about, and again, this entry is not the right one for it. i also don't have the proper knowledge to write about it. at least not for now. i want to make it clear that I'm not looking down on these individuals, as i think I'm also on the Asperger's spectrum.

What I'm trying to say is that dealing with such individuals requires certain patience and empathy. Not everyone has these, hence the Mother Theresa mention. I've seen 'normal' people getting quite annoyed with someone who mentioned they're autistic. The annoyance came from how the autistic person was talking about a certain topic, not because of the "autism mention" itself. i hope this makes sense? 

If you feel or know that you can get easily annoyed by certain mentions or behaviors, and you notice them in someone you just met, it could be best if you stayed away from them. 

they don't say they're sorry

not even half-assed when they should. 

Let's say they say something offensive that is not directed at you. Or they could say something that disturbs you a great deal. This could be any kind of insult, sexist, racist, or homophobic words/opinions. I'm not here to teach you WHY such language/behavior is NOT OK. If you use such language, you stink, and I don't want you reading my blog. 

You let them know how you feel about what they said, why isn't ok, while trying to be as clear as possible. 

Except, they don't (or refuse to) understand, and as such, they don't say "I'm sorry" but instead they search for excuses and explanations. This is NOT OK. 

Furthermore, they might add more offensive/upsetting statements or might try to turn the tables around, in an attempt to blame YOU for feeling the way you do. Such "explanations" could be anything really, and they usully start with "OH, but you don't know XYZ from my past."

In this regard that person is correct: you are highly likely that you don't know XYZ from their past. Yet, it is THAT PERSON'S job to overcome whatever injustice they faced and be a better individual, teach others that what happened was not acceptable. The "others" in "teaching others" includes those who performed the unjust act, if they didn't die. 

The person who does something wrong towards another, should at the very least apologize. If they do not, they're a bad person, a monster. 

This song says quite a lot of the stuff i mentioned above. So i thought it's relevant. You should look up the lyrics and translation as well, if you can't understand what they say. 

Some Sort of a Conclusion

The above are the main red flags about a person that you should stay as far as possible from. Most of these come from my personal experiences with "weird" people over the years. These signs are for both genders. 

The worst is that usually, it's rather difficult to get rid of. Some might become obsessed and turn into stalkers. Stalkers are some of the most dangerous kinds of individuals out there.  

And on a similar note, being a Stan is not a cool thing. Look up the video "Stan" by Eminem. Still relatively relevant for this topic. 

Have a lovely February! 

©Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Hello everyone!

Back in 2015, i wrote a blog entry about knowing your tools. That blog entry was related to cooking tools and i used a picture of the knives I had at the time. 

I will repost it along with an image or 2 with my current selection of knives. I wrote a blog post where i gave some tips to someone who just starts to sew. The blog entry i will repost here

We all know we need some sort of tools to be able to cook. One of the chefs' most important tools are his knives. Clearly, nobody can prepare food without a knife. And owning a good knife is also important.

[current thoughts? WOW, wai deep, LMFAO, but, ok, past me, carry on!]

I wonder how many of us use all of the knives they own when they cook, or when they eat? If you're not a chef or a butcher, you probably have a couple that you use every single day. You probably use the sharpest of them daily - I know I do.

Speaking of which, which knife do you think is sharpest here? Well, the one in the middle is - the flowery one. That's a santoku knife with a ceramic blade. I recently bought it and ever since then I'm wondering why did I wait for so long to buy one.

The santoku knife is a Japanese all-purpose knife. Japanese and Western knives are meant to be used in a different way, especially when butchering. When slicing, you probably use your knife as if it was a saw, going back and forth with the blade. If you ever buy a Japanese knife, NEVER try do to this.

Instead, place the blade on top of whatever you want to cut, and press down. Alternatively, place whatever end of the blade on the meat/ fruit/ vegetable, press and slide the blade through until you reach the other end of the blade and the cutting board, all in a single move! It's really that easy!

The black knife and the little knife to the left of my santoku, are the next sharpest knives I own. I use the little one for carving and peeling. I like to cut cheese with the black pointy one. It can cut really fresh bread much nicer than the bread knife - the large serrated one [the one looking like a saw].

The knife with a long blade and wrapped in the tape is one of the least sharp knives.. along with the butter knife {the blunt one with a light blue handle]. Kind of sad thinking that's supposed to be a chef's knife. The knife with a transparent handle cuts relatively good and I use it constantly for various tasks.

The knife I use the least is the one made entirely of steel. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with it. Its blade is serrated on one of its side. I occasionally cut cheese with it. The knife with a red handle a wavy blade, on the extreme right is the one I use to make "curly" french fries and potato chips. I also use it to slice cheese and cucumbers. It's used like the santoku: press down on the food item you want to cut. Makes the food look fancy for a party.

Now, that's all of the past entry. Let's bring this post in the year 2022. My current selection of knives is much smaller. At some point i realized i don't use the serrated bread knife much. I mean, we rarely buy bread that needs to be cut by hand, at home. Yes, we buy already sliced bread, or we slice it in the store, or just break from it at home. 

I'm uploading this image straight from my iPhone, and I'm not sure why is it upside-down. The knife with a brown handle is relatively new to the house, but it was used by my mother before. I was also used by someone else before that. 

The flowery knife remained. Then, in the middle, i got what appears to be a cleaver, except it's not. it's very light-weight, has a sharp blade, and I believe it's an all-purpose one in China and some other East Asian countries. 

The knives i use the most these days is still the flowery one along with this butcher-like knife. The one with a brown handle gets used quite often as well. Its handle and weight feel wrong in my hand, therefore i don't actually enjoy using it. 

I can't remember when i last used the knife with a waved blade. You might want to know I also have some fancy-looking butter knives. I found them as a treasure back in 2019. 

The 2 small knives are for cutting or peeling vegetables or something of the like, i think. The one with a black handle is sharper than the IKEA one. I use them pretty often, mostly for fruits and various vegetables. Sometimes for slicing boiled eggs. 

What's even better these days, is that i can sharpen my knives whenever i feel like it. :D 

I don't know if you can really tell this knife sharpener has 3 ... "slits?" each "slit" is different. The one closest to the red handle is the roughest. The middle one is medium rough, and the one furthest away is the smoothest. 

I usually pass the knife through each "slit" about 10 times. This gives me a very sharp blade that can cut through anything almost like through soft butter. I don't sharpen every time i need to use the knives. 

I obviously can't sharpen the waved knife. However, i can sharpen the small knives. It's been a few years since i got the small ones, and i can't recall needing to sharpen the one with a black handle. I can't say the same about the one with a red handle.  

Want to learn how to sharpen a knife a home? watch this and this video!

How much do you know your knives?

©Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Hello everyone. 

This is a rather sad entry. I'm not in a very good mental state right now. 

I think I started battling depression a few years back. I haven't been to any therapists until this year. I will soon start some treatment for this. I just need to go wait until my next appointment in about 3 weeks. 

I also suffer from anxiety and I'm pretty sure I have some BPD traits as well. Click here if you don't know anything about BPD. In any case, from a social point of view and as far as employment goes, it's not a very good thing to have a paper saying you have BPD or any other issues that could mean you're not emotionally or mentally stable. ok, moving on now. 

Almost everyone struggles. And everyone who struggles makes an effort to hide it. of course, depending on the severity of the problem, some hide it better than others. Some simply can't hide it. Some lose battles with themselves.

For me, things went really bad in 2020, when the shit hit the fan with the virus and we were all confined in our homes, and businesses closed. When the martial law was implemented illegally, about a week in - I forgot how long it's been, maybe 2 weeks? a month? i considered jumping out the window. 

i was very close to doing it. Living on the 5th floor, with granite tiles on the sidewalk downstairs. But also some metal things for shade for the shop space on the ground floor. I'm not sure what survival chanced i'd have. i probably would have been stuck in a wheelchair if I did survive. 

Luckily for me, anna was here and I could call her and talk to her ... and she managed to at least calm me down. I'm crying again, now thinking of that evening. I'm truly blessed with her. 

i don't want to hear "oh, but others...." fuck others! I'm not others, and others don't think of me either. I'm not others- I'm ME! I'm tired of these hurtful comparisons!

when you compare a child to other children, you ARE ONLY HURTING your own child and boosting the ego of the other kid. 

when you tell your partner "oh, but the spouse of so-and-so...." you are HURTING AND INSULTING YOUR partner! you make them feel miserable! and they wonder why are you with them if you think the other person is better. and the thing is, you can't even know the real face of the other person who you think is better. 

Sorry, I went off a tangent here. but people do that when they try to explain their feelings. i suppose. it makes it easier for them. 

so, around Christmas, I started feeling a bit better, and it lasted for a while. Though PMSing started being too much like a rollercoaster. anna couldn't take my crap anymore and insisted I seek professional help. and so I did, and about a week or so ago I started taking Xanax, as the therapist prescribed. And my anxiety went down, which is great because it was almost crippling me. 

the downside of taking Xanax was that while I was no longer anxious, but i started feeling the depression more. and it was maybe more intense? blank mind, foggy brain... Actually, the fog was almost there, all white and fluffy, around not only my head but my torso as well. i could almost see it with my eyes. 

And then, this site i was playing, suddenly bans me for having multiple accounts! when they already knew there's 2 of us playing there, on 2 different accounts! they knew this for almost 11 years! it's just unbelievable! we apparently broke a rule about exchanging too many items... 

I didn't even know there's such a rule.... well, ok, there is, we broke it indeed. but this is not the point. the point is that the ban-hammer was triggered at a bad time when i was feeling very low and foggy, and that site felt safe in the morning when i was drinking my coffee.  

I've been talking to an admin, but i don't put my hopes too high for getting my account back. Now, i don't care so much anymore. I'll need another morning habit. or just use this as a reason to procrastinate less. 

To be continued...

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Well, hello there.

We are well into the month of April and I know I haven't finished the March challenge. However, due to how this platform works, I can post this in March. ;) 

The thing is - I won't finish this challenge. Below we can see the remaining challenges.

March 27 - National cheese day

This is a French platform, run by French people. I suppose the stereotype that the French love their cheese is true if they dedicated a day to celebrate it. 

Personally, I don't live in France, so I have no idea if there is such a day celebrated, or if Cheese Day is every day. 

So, what is my favorite type of cheese? I do like cheese, so I have a favorite. 

I ate blue cheese a few times - I didn't find it bad, but also not something to eat daily, or even very often. I used to really like the Romanian telemea cheese, but not so much anymore. 

Of course, you may not or don't know what telemea is, so here is more about this cheese, from Wikipedia. 

Lately, I like Italian mozzarella cheese. Smoked yellow cheese is another type of cheese I like. This type of cheese is called Kashkaval and I can't recall seeing any that is white in color. Most of these are off-white or some shade of yellow.  

This type of cheese melts nicely on pizza, and any other dish you may want melted cheese on. 

March 28 - World day against endometriosis

I wish all women dealing with this problem, a lot of health. 

I wish everyone else who is not aware of this health problem, to learn about it. Also, please stop asking women "When will you get married?" "When will you have children?". 

It's none of your business. Unless YOU plan on being the 3rd wheel in the relationship or taking care of the baby with your own money and time. Not all women want to be wives or mothers. 

And women suffering from endometriosis may even have a hard time conceiving, even if they want to have babies. So, again, I repeat: Not your body, not your problem! You can ask questions and give advice only when you're very close to the person and you're concerned about their health and overall wellbeing. 

March 29 - Cinema spring

I have no idea what this means or what am I supposed to write about. 

In any case, keep an eye open and stalk my other site for at least one movie review, The Taming of the Shrew, an Italian movie. ;) I think it's a good movie for spring.

March 31 - World day of personal data protection

I think this is what it means. If this is what it means, I'll have to remind you to change your passwords often, keep them written down -in an agenda, diary, cookie jar, whatever. Do not share them with anyone under any circumstance. 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Hello all!

But some of us have online jobs or run our own businesses. This means that we have little time for relaxation. 

The thing is that finding some time to unwind is significant for our well being. Also spending time with our loved ones. 

I talked a bit about my off-line work experience some 3 years ago. I realized then that time off is important as time is all we got. or not, at times.

So, today i completed the challenge: no blogging, no working. Instead we took a pretty long walk to downtown and back. We really needed the fresh air (through the masks it wasn't as fresh as we hoped, sadly). 

Editing this section on jan. 30, '22.

I want to say that flowers are relaxing, and help others take things easy. Spring flowers have this effect on me.

We also stopped by the grocery store to buy ingredients for pizza. Tonight was delightful: anna's pizza, cuddles, and Christmas lights dancing on the wall. 

See you tomorrow!

(c) Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Hi All!

Today's challenge was to request for our blogs to be transferred to HTTPS instead of HTTP. 

Some of you may know that my blog didn't have a secure connection in the past. But the staff worked hard and now all the sites can be accessed through the HTTPS protocol. 

This is pretty awesome, if you ask me, since we all want some sort of security. Especially after everything that happened this year. 

We find security in different ways. Some want security when it comes to a job. Others, want to feel secure in their relationships. For others, having a place they can call home or their own, is the definition of security.

Security makes us feel safe, protected. The first time we ever felt this was in our mothers' wombs, then in her arms, at her chest. Of course, there are plenty of people who didn't have the luxury of having a mother, a father, or even parents. 

I don't know how that must feel, and i can't really speak for them. I do know, they did feel pretty safe while inside their mothers' bellies as well. 

Some people, even in adulthood, feel better under heavy blankets, or when they're being hugged tightly. This is because towards the end of the pregnancy, there barely is any space inside the womb. Plus, the mother also wears clothes, gets covered with blankets as well. 

All these, weigh down on the belly and the baby inside. 

What makes me feel safe? Or where do i find security?

These are pretty hard questions to ask. I do know that having Anna in my life DOES make me feel safe.

She's the only one i can count on. i find her stable. this feels safe and secure. And nice.

Or when i go to sleep, i feel safer when the air is warm, the blanket heavy, or there is something heavy on me. I also need quietness. 

Some old things like abandoned places for instance, also give me a sense of security in a weird way. I guess, those buildings, being so old, but still standing, make me think that maybe life is easier than i make it be. 

It's somehow hopeful. Or maybe the quietness surrounding such a place makes me feel safe. I'm not 100% sure.

It's true that noise, constant and loud, makes me feel very unsafe and stressed. 

Overall warmth, but not heat, is something that also gives safety-related feelings. 

Keeping things to myself is a safety measure. I feel intruded upon and not safe at all when i'm being asked too many questions. or when people seem to know things about me. 

Yet, here i am, sharing part of my life with strangers online. How ironic, isn't it? 

I don't really know what i can say related to this. 

I'd like to hear from you and find out what makes YOU feel safer and more secure. 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.