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Many people struggle

Publié le par Charly C.

Hello everyone. 

This is a rather sad entry. I'm not in a very good mental state right now. 

I think I started battling depression a few years back. I haven't been to any therapists until this year. I will soon start some treatment for this. I just need to go wait until my next appointment in about 3 weeks. 

I also suffer from anxiety and I'm pretty sure I have some BPD traits as well. Click here if you don't know anything about BPD. In any case, from a social point of view and as far as employment goes, it's not a very good thing to have a paper saying you have BPD or any other issues that could mean you're not emotionally or mentally stable. ok, moving on now. 

Almost everyone struggles. And everyone who struggles makes an effort to hide it. of course, depending on the severity of the problem, some hide it better than others. Some simply can't hide it. Some lose battles with themselves.

pic from july 2017

For me, things went really bad in 2020, when the shit hit the fan with the virus and we were all confined in our homes, and businesses closed. When the martial law was implemented illegally, about a week in - I forgot how long it's been, maybe 2 weeks? a month? i considered jumping out the window. 

i was very close to doing it. Living on the 5th floor, with granite tiles on the sidewalk downstairs. But also some metal things for shade for the shop space on the ground floor. I'm not sure what survival chanced i'd have. i probably would have been stuck in a wheelchair if I did survive. 

Luckily for me, anna was here and I could call her and talk to her ... and she managed to at least calm me down. I'm crying again, now thinking of that evening. I'm truly blessed with her. 

i don't want to hear "oh, but others...." fuck others! I'm not others, and others don't think of me either. I'm not others- I'm ME! I'm tired of these hurtful comparisons!

when you compare a child to other children, you ARE ONLY HURTING your own child and boosting the ego of the other kid. 

pic from july 2017

when you tell your partner "oh, but the spouse of so-and-so...." you are HURTING AND INSULTING YOUR partner! you make them feel miserable! and they wonder why are you with them if you think the other person is better. and the thing is, you can't even know the real face of the other person who you think is better. 

Sorry, I went off a tangent here. but people do that when they try to explain their feelings. i suppose. it makes it easier for them. 

so, around Christmas, I started feeling a bit better, and it lasted for a while. Though PMSing started being too much like a rollercoaster. anna couldn't take my crap anymore and insisted I seek professional help. and so I did, and about a week or so ago I started taking Xanax, as the therapist prescribed. And my anxiety went down, which is great because it was almost crippling me. 

the downside of taking Xanax was that while I was no longer anxious, but i started feeling the depression more. and it was maybe more intense? blank mind, foggy brain... Actually, the fog was almost there, all white and fluffy, around not only my head but my torso as well. i could almost see it with my eyes. 

And then, this site i was playing, suddenly bans me for having multiple accounts! when they already knew there's 2 of us playing there, on 2 different accounts! they knew this for almost 11 years! it's just unbelievable! we apparently broke a rule about exchanging too many items... 

I didn't even know there's such a rule.... well, ok, there is, we broke it indeed. but this is not the point. the point is that the ban-hammer was triggered at a bad time when i was feeling very low and foggy, and that site felt safe in the morning when i was drinking my coffee.  

I've been talking to an admin, but i don't put my hopes too high for getting my account back. Now, i don't care so much anymore. I'll need another morning habit. or just use this as a reason to procrastinate less. 

To be continued...

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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My favorite pics

Publié le par Charly C.

This entry is probably one of the least exciting ones. This is not a #firstworldproblem, because I'm not complaining. I want to actually show my gratitude for having this device for many things have happened while i had this iPhone 4.

I want to "celebrate" the life of this phone, and share some pleasant memories I made while having and using it.  

One of the things that this phone did the most, was to snap pictures and to keep me connected to Anna through messages and the pics we send back and forth. 

How do i know this phone won't function for long? It lags every time i try to open any app. I can't update its OS - no big surprise there. I also can't update the apps i already have. And i only have Instagram to which I can't upload anymore either. 

The point of this post is to remember some of the good stuff that happened while i used this iPhone 4. Or to share some of the pictures that i took and i liked or still like the most. 

This picture is my favorite. Yes, I took this picture. It is also one of the first pictures i took with this phone. Back in 2015. This is the 2nd picture i ever posted on instagram. You can see and like it here. I feel the light in this picture is just right, the colors are fine, pretty close to reality. 

To snap this picture, i put my hands through the bars of the fence of the yard the cat was in. I like how the cat was not paying any attention to me. To me this picture looks poetic in a way. Inspiring to write some fiction or something (else than a blog post).  

At the time, I didn't care about likes and stuff. I still don't. But it does feel nice to receive likes on the pics I post. ;p 

Chimney cake from the Christmas market of 2015. It was a really nice cake and the first one I had. Originally it was big. at least double the size seen in this picture. They're about 30 cm (12 inches?) long when made for the Christmas market. 

They're freshly made on the spot, and extremely popular. They can be covered in a variety of stuff: coconut flakes, sugar, nuts, and other things. This was (grounded) nuts i believe. I think we got 2 of them, i forgot. But the next years when we went to the Christmas market, we did buy 2 each time. 

That plate was a disaster for this picture: it' plastic. I has no pretty plate, sadly. You can view this pic on Instagram as well.

Looking at the date this picture was taken, is the same evening as the kurtos kalacs (chimney cake) above. It means this image was taken about an hour or so before the other. 

The evening was most likely cold since it was December 19. Only the closest woman in the picture and the few bare trees give away the temperature or time of the year. Otherwise the green grass could indicate summer. 

Anna took this picture. If you look closely, there was some fog out in the distance. There was such an eerie sensation. I still get it when i look at this picture. I still really like this image and I don't think I shared it before. 

This is actually a parking lot now, but back then, they just finished creating it. These days, on the right, there are many bars/cafes/restaurant places and the parking lot is full of cars.

On Instagram I shared it a few days later. What's interesting is that I have here, a picture of the same parking lot, from almost a year later. 

Picture of a stunning rose from May 15, 2016.

Of course, there are many other pictures I took and didn't share yet. Well, some will never be shared.

This rose looks gigantic. But it's probably just the angle. 

Seeing this pic of the rose, i can almost feel its sweet scent, and i can almost feel the early summer temperature around me. You could say the feeling is burned in my brain and on my skin. 

Obviously, without this phone, i couldn't take all these pictures. 

These tulips were very pretty in real life back in April of 2016. Either the angle or the light didn't make them justice. Too bad. I remember I took more pictures of these tulips. This is the one i like the most. 

I remember they brought me a big smile seeing them. They looked very colorful, cheerful, and simply beautiful. I was smiling like an idiot and being as happy as child seeing them. 

It's very refreshing to see pretty flowers in spring after the heavy and cold winter. They give hope for a better year and future. 

I shared all these pictures on the tumblr account where I upload all the pictures for this blog as well as the pics for my other site, Being Obscure. Usually, the pics with credits on them are hidden from the public on the Tumblr account. 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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winter thoughts (2019)

Publié le par Charly C.

winter thoughts (2019)

Desolate. 
Naked bushes scattered on the shalow snow
Make me feel as frozen as the air. 
The cold deserted scenery makes feel welcomed
Others pay no attention -
too much in a hurry to reach their destination
This is how winter nests itself in our hearts. 

winter thoughts (2019)winter thoughts (2019)

Everything is quiet, cold and white. 
In the night, yellow and white lights show the roads blanketed by heavy snow. 
Hungry beasts bear their teeth at anyone daring to venture in the darkness. 

winter thoughts (2019)winter thoughts (2019)
winter thoughts (2019)winter thoughts (2019)

December just started as I start typing this. But knowing me, it will take a while for me to gather my thoughts and finish it.  -As I post this is already the end of January. lack of inspiration.-

However, I need some sort of a conclusion for 2018. It will help me with remembering things when I'll be older. Placing events according to a time frame is not my strongest point.  It does seem like I have many weaknesses, doesn't it? At the very least, one of my biggest weaknesses is (still) cleaning, as we all remember.

I'm sure you remember i drew a couple conclusions at the end of the past years. I'll link the 2017 one here, mostly for myself ... and to be able to compare the 2 years better. 

Last December I made my first resolution for the new year - you know the stuff I'd like to accomplish in 2018. I'll show a picture of it, and then talk about how I did.

winter thoughts (2019)winter thoughts (2019)winter thoughts (2019)

The first picture is last year's resolutions. In the second picture I recorded my workout progress or efforts, along with how much i weigh at the end of the month. The last picture shows my resolutions for 2019. 

I think I did pretty well with working out. It didn't turn into a routine, but I did work out more than I expected. I hope to continue on a similar note and to improve. However, so far throughout January, I failed. I also did pretty well with studying Chinese last year. I think the worst was the calligraphy as I practiced nothing in that regard, though I did write by hand throughout the year. Just not for this specific purpose. 

I also did pretty well with less swearing - while i didn't record myself talking, I always tried to censor out all cuss words. I still feel like cussing a lot, and a times i do let out some cuss words. I was cussing a lot in 2017 - this year, so far I think i cussed once or twice. 

snowmen and frozen naturesnowmen and frozen nature
snowmen and frozen naturesnowmen and frozen nature

snowmen and frozen nature

This winter came early - the first snow fell at the end of November. Of course people had to make snowmen. The 2nd one seen above, was actually VERY small -maybe smaller than the length of my palm? I had to squat to take a picture at its level. 

This winter didn't only come early, but it's also quite extreme. Last week it rained and there was a strong wind that turned the water into instant ice. It froze the grass, the trees, the fences, the parked cars, everything. Some tree branches even broke because of the weight of the ice.  

It looked beautiful - like a forbidden frozen city from a magical land where people were somehow transported. Yesterday, it all started slowly melting. I'm glad I took some pics. 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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Seaside adventures in August

Publié le par Charly C.

We wanted to relax for a bit and get out of city. Since we have Ciel we can't go on a vacation like most people: Ciel needs someone at all times and it's not familiar with strangers. He also barely eats by himself.

We decided to leave for the seaside in the morning and return at night. With all the preparations I still had to return to get a scarf I forgot. When we got to the train station we learned the train would be 45 minutes late, but in reality it was an hour late.

While we waited, we got some pretzels for the road, as to avoid spending a lot of money on food.

Seaside adventures in August

The train was also over sold so we had to stand because there were no more seats available. Luckily A found a chair in first class and sat for most of the ride. Our tickets were for 2nd class. The train was also fast and had some air conditioning.

 

When we got to the resort, we found the beach quite fast. We had to find a seat as this was one of the most popular resorts at the seaside, so it was packed!

The first views of the Black Sea. there was a small lake in the resort, by the beach.The first views of the Black Sea. there was a small lake in the resort, by the beach.The first views of the Black Sea. there was a small lake in the resort, by the beach.

The first views of the Black Sea. there was a small lake in the resort, by the beach.

Here, we have too pay for chairs and umbrella, but not if we sit directly on the sand. However, we need umbrella and they're only available next to the chairs. The price was some $6 for a chair and they only take cash. The guy charging for the seats was gypsy and we suspect him off having stolen my phone.

 

I had the phone on me some 5 minutes before finding the right place, and I noticed it gone after the guy left. I also kinda felt something.. Like something was sliding up at the back of my pants, but I ignored the feeling.

 

The guy returned to see if we found cash, and in telling him we don't have cash, just the card, he started to be verbally agressive. Then we openly accused him off stealing, and he insulted us. We left and I managed to use A's phone to lock mine. Then I asked a to text my phone and ask for it to be returned. A lifeguard called us and met A and returned the phone. But! The lifeguard had no business to be in the place where it went missing. I literally walked between other chairs and the lifeguard has no reason to do so. Here claimed he found it.

 

I think the phone was returned because they couldn't use it or resell if it was blocked. I'm glad I have my phone back, but I lost some videos I took in the train, for I also erased it's data.

Seaside adventures in AugustSeaside adventures in August

In the end we managed to find some other chairs and we didn't pay for those. We stayed some 2 hours there I think.

 

We managed to go in the water and it felt nice as it was warm, despite the rather dangerous waves. Lifeguards were constantly on the lookout for people going too far and calling them back. The limit to the deep water was set pretty close to the shore too.

 

We found a place to eat and rest and recharge the phone a bit. Then we went on the beach again. This time we went in a different area and were forced to pay for chairs as there was no sand, just smashed seashells that were cutting into our feet. We spend some extra 2 hours there with constant visits to the shore. Of course I collected some seashells too.

Seaside adventures in AugustSeaside adventures in AugustSeaside adventures in August

Then it was time for us to return. Before leaving, we bought a bag, some sun glasses for A's mom, some sewing needles for me, a rabbit keychain, and some bracelets.

 

The return train had seats for us, but it was smelly! There was little luggage space too though we only had 2 bags and As purse. The trip was also longer and most of it happened in the night. There was a really beautiful sunset though. Once in the city, some 3 hours later, we managed to catch the last bus home too.

 

 

Seaside adventures in AugustSeaside adventures in August
Seaside adventures in AugustSeaside adventures in August

I fell asleep as soon as I got home, after checking on Ciel and seeing he actually ate by himself. He does that when he stays alone for too long.

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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L'Ange du Mal

Publié le par Charly C.

He couldn't remember how much time past since he fell under the curse, for it was a curse for him, despite the humans calling it a spell. However he couldn't break free from it no matter how much he tried.

He wasn't even sure what it was for he usually controlled all spells and curses, as well as everything else humans considered to be supernatural.

He felt very much alive, but he couldn't move, s peak and everyone saw him as a statue. People weren't supposed to look at him and especially women. They thought that those who stared at it would rebel against their family. Mostly because it happened before. The men didn't want to lose their control over the women, their property. It was inconceivable!

L'Ange du Mal got trapped because of a trick a girl from the village played on him. Since then he could not stop thinking about her and he never forgave her either. After the trick, she would stop by to see him every now and then. But now it's been such a long time since he hadn't seen her. 

The men who wanted him trapped would also come at regular intervals, helping him keep track of time. Of course it would be easier if he counted the days, but counting the time of his imprisonment was only infuriating.

Every time he saw those people, they would look older and older, weaker and weaker. Despite all this, the curse would continue to be strong. Then, one by one, they stopped coming. He seemed to have forgotten humans are short lived, unlike him. He had no need for water nor food, and yet he was still alive.

The group that cursed him was bringing new faces and blood from time to time. And even these youngsters would change appearance in time and would become weak and then stopped coming as well. Slowly, the people visiting him were fewer and fewer. Then they completely stopped.

At a certain point only kids would come, however their behavior was very different than that of his captures. They were also quite weak despite their young age. They acted as if they had no idea about his true nature. He felt as if he could break them with the touch of a finger. But nobody ever touched him.

If he could move. All he wanted was to move. But not one single muscle or feather from his long black wings would listen to his command.

"Lucifer (Morningstar)" by Paul Fryer. picture belongs to its author. found on roadtrippers.com - link below

"Lucifer (Morningstar)" by Paul Fryer. picture belongs to its author. found on roadtrippers.com - link below

Story/chapter inspired by the  "Lucifer (Morningstar)" statue by Paul Fryer and found in the Holy Trinity Church in Marylebone, Westminster. Read more about the statue here.

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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strange dream and strange sky

Publié le par Charly C.

Last night [june 28th] I had another strange dream. Like a visit to a different reality. Again. 

Before I start describing my dream, I want to point out I couldn't breathe in real life - the cold air made my nose stuffed. My partner was also listening to some music in the same room I was sleeping. On with my dream. 

"The sky. The sky is different... [i think to myself in the dream]. It makes me suffocate."

The sky was blue, fake, and had some sort of bubbles. "Am i actually underwater?" The fakery makes me think of a snow globe. "This is scary. I feel TRAPPED and watched ... from every angle - there's no escape". This saddened me, and even though I felt and wanted to cry, I couldn't. 

"What's this vibration? everything feels different than what I know, despite it looking just as i know it" This different vibration makes us be slower. And then HE told me, as we were about to go in the building <even if everything looks familiar, this is not your ****. Things are slower here. MUCH slower.> "What...? what do you mean?" <look behind you.>

And when i looked behind me, as i was trying to close a door, i see a trail of me's that were catching up to me, doing just what i just did. I also couldn't really move faster: i had to wait for my trail to catch up to me. 

I was hoping we would get home, where i could breathe and move freely. The elevator was slow too. HE was there too, and told me it's slower than i know it - and sure enough it was. 

[We got down -i don't know the floor, and HE headed to a different direction than i usually go to get home.]

there are many apartments on a single floor, not just 5 like i know. Some of the apartments had bars on the front door - and it was forbidden to go in them. plus we couldn't because they were locked. And the "ADMIN" had the keys.

We got in THEIR apartment and the TV was on, playing some music. some of THEM seemed to be watching whatever was on TV, but at closer look, they were acting more as if they were in a trance and looking through the TV. 

The energy was very heavy and dense ... that's when i recognized Jewel [im pretty sure it was him], but im not sure who the others were. As soon as I recognized Jewel, I wanted to cry, but my tears were dry. 

 <don't you feel lucky she chose you? She chose to live with you.. i know i do [feel lucky she chose me] ....... very.... very happy.....> [sad voice]

i realised just how badly i wanted to be back home .....and i woke up.. 

Now, about the weird sky. I have a small obsession with looking up at the sky no matter where i am.

This year, in May we had a full moon at the end of the month. According to this site, it happened on May 29th. And I remember going out in the evening to get some fresh air and i noticed the full moon being quite high in the sky [or farther than usual] because it looked smaller than usual. This was either the 29th or the 30th of the month, when the moon still looks full enough to the untrained eye. 

However, as June rolled in, something weird happened: there was no moon on the sky! At all! I didn't go out in the evening every night, but when I did, i looked up to see the moon - and if you live long enough in an area YOU KNOW when and where to search for the moon based of in phases. 

I couldn't find the moon! for several nights! I only recorded the sky in one night, and YES, i know the quality is shitty, and i am really sorry i dont have a better camera to record such stuff. u.u I couldn't see the moon in the sky for at least 4 evenings in a row! 

Then I stopped looking. then the moon phase changed, as did the weather as it started to get cloudy and rainy. 

 But the weird sky didnt stop with a missing moon! NO, sir! The next evening, after i recorded the sky with the missing moon, i noticed a strange light in the sky AFTER the sun set. it was almost 10 pm and there was still light out that evening, and a strange light RIGHT above my building! The source was hidden by a cloud. 

The light was pretty indeed, but WEIRD! the "event" didn't repeat itself the next evening.  

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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Bucharest adventures in April

Publié le par Charly C.

This entry was quite long in the making, for several reasons: my poor memories, recovering and editing the pictures, and actually writing everything, in between other stuff going on in our lives. Published a bit later than hoped, but not that late, and better than never at all ;)

Last week of March was when all the winter happened as the worst winter weather hit us. Luckily, as soon as April started, the weather also turned into spring. It never snowed again, after that. YAY!

Since the weather warmed up, we were able to go out more and have various adventures. 

these flowers appear later in the monththese flowers appear later in the month

these flowers appear later in the month

The month started off with the Easter celebrations in the Catholic world, but Romania is an Orthodox country so we had Easter on the 8th, 1 week later. 

During the first week of the month we were quite busy, and we couldn't wait for Easter to come so we'd relax a bit. Luckily, in Romania Easter Monday is a bank holiday so everyone stays home to relax and eat.

At 11 pm on Satuday we went to the church to to hear a bit of the mass and to bring home the "Light" - or a lit candle. All Romanians do this for good fortune in the "new year" [from an agricultural point of view]. 

Check out this video for a little insight into how the midnight mass goes. 

many people heading towards the same churchmany people heading towards the same church
many people heading towards the same churchmany people heading towards the same church

many people heading towards the same church

The next day, on Sunday Easter we were supposed to go to A's parents' house. And so we did. They moved out of city, but luckily the city bus takes us close to their new place. We had to walk from the bus stop to their house because the usual minibus driver doesn't work during major holidays like Easter. 

A small feast was waiting for us there - see the picture below. That's a cheesecake that replaces the traditional pasca which is a bit different both in looks and in how's made. 

The slices with boiled eggs in the middle are a special meat loaf made only for Easter, called drob

You also get to see a bit of the countryside, from A's parents' balcony, in the pic below.

Bucharest adventures in April
Bucharest adventures in April

Some time later, A's birthday came. That day we had to go with the older cat to the vet. He wouldn't eat and he would throw up if he did. The vet said it's just a gastritis, and gave him some shots and home treatment. 

Everyone praised Whiskey the cat for his prettiness and for being such a good boy. 

The next day, in the evening we decided to have a bit of fun. Or to try to relax a bit. So we went to see a movie - A Quiet Place. You probably already read my thoughts on the movie, and if not, by following the link you can do so now.

he was in my arms and trying to hide :)

he was in my arms and trying to hide :)

We also had to go search for a specific cat food, that we learned we can find at this rather new mall that opened not too far from us - some 6 tram stop away, and that's close. Check out this post about the public transportation in Bucharest.

There was an interesting place where they would only sell French fries. Of course we had to try them out. And I personally wasn't impressed - only 2 guys taking orders and serving people, so I had to wait some 30 minutes? The taste wasn't impressive either, but the fries were made on the spot which also added to the waiting time. 

And while I did say these were fries, they weren't thin like at McDonalds, but thick type, wedges. I also think they needed to be cooked for longer and maybe at lower temperature? 

In any case, we saw another location downtown, in the Old City Center area which is easier for us to get to. 

Bucharest adventures in AprilBucharest adventures in AprilBucharest adventures in April

One day A asked me for avocado on toast. So I made some. Not much to say there, but it's too small to make a separate entry on it. 

Toast the bread. Cut open the avocado, remove the pit. Slice it up or mash it and spread on the toast. Then serve.

I discovered avocado tastes better with a dash of salt on top. If you think this is weird, wait for my entry on the weird foods I sometimes eat and enjoy. 

Bucharest adventures in April

After some time, I decided to make some doughnuts. I decided to follow a Romanian recipe for "Little Lies" which I have to tweak. The recipe I had gave me some cookies or biscuits instead of donuts, which is probably why they're called "Little Lies" -in Romanian minciunele.

However, they were pretty sweet and worked well with tea and coffee, and there's that at least. 

I have this cat shaped cookie cutter and I decided to make some of them shaped like cats, because why not? I got the cookie cutter as a freebie from a box of margarine. It was meant to make cute looking sandwiches for your kids, but that's too much work for me. 

Once I find recipe that I like better, I'll share it. Till then, just a sneak peak at my Little Lies.

all dough-nuts should be covered in confectioner's sugar, if you ask me.
all dough-nuts should be covered in confectioner's sugar, if you ask me.

all dough-nuts should be covered in confectioner's sugar, if you ask me.

At some point we went to a cafe for the first time in ages. Or it felt like that to me. I think we had hot chocolate and tea? or something like that, I completely forgot.

Bucharest adventures in AprilBucharest adventures in April

Some time after that, I decided to turn some old shirts I had into pillow cases. I like doing things myself the most - this makes me feel accomplished. 

The blog entry will appear in June, [which is awesome because I discovered some pictures I forgot to add] however the idea was born in April and was mostly performed in May. If you read this entry when it's published, the link won't work, but if you read it some time in June, out of curiosity, it will work. You can have a little sneak-peak below.

Of course, my oldest cat decided to help out.
Of course, my oldest cat decided to help out.Of course, my oldest cat decided to help out.

Of course, my oldest cat decided to help out.

We also had some work to do, and we still did go out after that. But nothing much happened, except for the adventure we had outside of the city, in search of an outlet. I'll let A talk about it, as it was her idea and i'll just add the pictures in.  

A month ago we decided to go to an outlet store that was suppose to be in an area we haven't visited before. However, we had no idea of how this trip was going to go. We sure didn't expect what was coming ~

First of all, we got in the bus and as we looked on the map, realized it was gonna take at least 22 long stops. 22!! We never really went that far. Beside that, the day was quite hot, it was a rush hour, and the bus was packed with people. So half way there i started feeling nauseous and like i had no air...many of the people in the bus seemed to have no problems as if they were used to it ~

An hour later (no joke) we finally got off the bus. It was pretty much in the middle of nowhere, and even tho we went to other malls that are somehow out of city, this one was different. The entire area didn't seem safe at all, there was a lot of shadiness. We crossed the street and started walking by these what seemed to be abandoned houses and trying to make sure no stray dogs were gonna bite our ass. It wasn't comfortable at all and i felt quite unsafe...after walking a while trying to gather all our courage we ended up crossing a street to get to a railway and in that moment, we started to think what the hell are we doing. The mall didn't see to be in sight, actually there was nothing like a mall in the area at all. That's when we decided to turn around and go back as we didn't want to end up being there at night. 

After more waiting for the bus, it finally arrived and we got in. But, since we were already out, we thought it would be a good idea to go to another mall that was located somewhere halfway through the trip. And so we did.

Well, this mall was a lot better. We got to rest a bit while exploring it. I was looking for some sport shoes and at the very least they had some options. When we got really tired we went outside to a cafe to sit and eat something. We had some fries and a burger that were not impressive. The burger was supposed not to have any onion, but i found a big layered slice of onion in it. At least it looked funny. 

At that point we just wanted to get back home but didn't know how. We started looking at tram schedules to see which one we need to take, and spent some 15 minutes waiting in a stop. Then we realized that might not be the right stop as the tram we were waiting for somehow turned into a different one with another route. Pretty discouraged we went back at the mall and after waiting some more and trying to figure things out, we called a taxi.

Luckily at least that was uneventful. The taxi came fast and took us home, where we finally arrived home, 6 hours after heading out in the first place. This trip gave me some interesting feelings ~

Bucharest adventures in AprilBucharest adventures in April
Bucharest adventures in AprilBucharest adventures in April

First of all, i thought i knew the city pretty well so i didn't expect getting lost. I also thought its really hard to get lose and especially not be able to locate the transportation i need easily. Then there was the uncomfortable feeling of the area, which i didn't feel very often at all. Bucharest is generally a safe city with no problems, so i wonder where does that come from...
And the tiredness. I feel i'm becoming an old person since I got tired so fast. 

All in all this has been an interesting experience, but not one i am about to repeat anytime soon. The mall managers should definitely do a better job at explaining where its located so that shoppers don't put their hopes up in the first place....or maybe it was just a ghost mall that could never be found, o.o. Now that would be quite a twist....

Hopefully you didn't get too bored, if you managed to get to this point. 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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The school and its headmaster

Publié le par Charly C.

Probably the only person at school who was more rich than Kay, was its headmaster, also known as Sapphire. 

Sapphire wasn't a person who you'd see on a daily basis. He was also a teacher, but his classes were only for the most gifted, as he liked to refer to his students. 

Everyone knew just how strict the school's rules were. This didn't stop people from breaking them. What not everyone knew was that Sapphire knew exactly who broke which rule. Of course, the students thought they were getting away with it.

While everyone thought their headmaster looks quite mean and is very strict, the fact that he didn't always punish the broken rules proves he's quite lenient. It was his school and his own way of doing thins, after all. 

The most often broken rules involved fortune telling using coffee grounds, pendulums and anything else that didn't have a deck form. The students were gossiping this was because Sapphire couldn't do this, however the rumor was never confirmed or infirmed.

Summoning demons, spirits or using the Ouija board were also forbidden, mostly because of how dangerous these practices are, but were also quite often performed. 

One of the main reasons for which the students were breaking the school's rules was their curiosity regarding what would happen. They were curious to see if summoning would work, as well as seeing the new punishments the headmaster had up his sleeve. They were rarely disappointed. 

They were really unfortunate if it wasn't the Headmaster coming to punish them as the other teachers were more strict than him, and we already know he wasn't always seen. 

Almost everyone knew that Sapphire had 2 large cats - one was fully white and the other fully black, going by the names of and .

His cats were the size of panthers and they looked scary enough for those who didn't expect them to be there. They lived in his office, protecting it. Of course, not just anyone could enter his office at will, but things could and did happen. To have access into his office, people would either need to be called there, or make an appointment with his secretary. 

All visitors would receive a password from her and then follow a secret passage way that was barely lit. Most intruders were those lucky enough to manage to hypnotize the secretary. 

Upon entering, you'd see a large room decorated in the Victorian style. A huge fireplace was always burning, even on the hottest summer days. This was needed because the room was otherwise freezing cold. The only source of light for the office were some candles scattered all over. 

Had there been more light in this space, you'd see dark shades of red, a big white fluffy rug on the floor, in front of the gigantic wooden desk that impressed most visitors. Sapphire likes to sit on a black leather chair that in normal light would clash in style with everything else. 

Nobody knew if the room had any windows, though at least one wall had some really heavy curtains hanging. Sapphire couldn't stand the bright daylight, so this is why he needed all this darkness. The dark hallway leading to his office was meant to adjust the visitors' eyes. 

It was common knowledge that the headmaster had his sleeping quarters above his office. Nobody ever entered that place - or so people thought. To reach this intimate area, Sapphire would climb a hidden and spiraled staircase.

What nobody knew was that Kay finally attending his school made the headmaster very happy. Not just anyone could deal with Kay's abilities. Sapphire was sure he could - or at least give his best at trying.

Footnotes:

The names of the cats are reversed: the white cat is 陰 [Yin] and the black cat is 陽 [Yang]. 

 [yin1] = ① [philosophy] negative/passive/female principle in nature ② Surname Bound morpheme ① the moon ② shaded orientation ③ covert; concealed; hidden ④ ⑦ negative ⑧ north side of a hill ⑨ south bank of a river ⑩ reverse side of a stele ⑪in intaglio Stative verb ① overcast ② sinister; treacherous

 [yang2]  ① [Chinese philosophy] positive/active/male principle in nature ②the sun ④ in relief ⑤ open; overt ⑥ belonging to this world ⑦ [linguistics] masculine ⑧ south side of a hill ⑨ north bank of a river

Head over to Wikipedia for a better introduction to YIn/Yang.

The candles in the office would never burn out. 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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Kay's memories

Publié le par Charly Cross

On the same bus ride, Kay was also thinking of how he met Anna, the girl next to him. His memories took him further back in time, though. He was maybe 11 or 12 when his caretaker finally took him to this school. He was supposed to start attending it at a much younger age, but he knew that some issues related to money made his caretaker push this back. It wasn’t the lack of money - they had plenty - they just didn’t want to spend as much as it was requested, greedy bastards.

Kay was happy to finally attend this school as it offered him much wanted freedom, though it wasn’t real freedom. He also saw this school also as a time off from his household and everything it meant and came with living there.

The day he was introduced to his future classmates, the only available seat was next to a very pretty girl with blond hair and big brown eyes. 

not my picture, see the end for credits/ more info.

not my picture, see the end for credits/ more info.

Kay knew a lot about the school and why he had to attend classes there. It was because no other school would be able to teach him how to use or control his abilities. And he had to control them as his frustrations with his household started to be unbearable, especially for those surrounding him. 

Not all of them had such abilities and he could easily even kill any or all of them, especially those with no skills. The live of the un-skilled wasn't easy either as they always were scared for their life. They also couldn't teach anyone how to control or use their skills. 

Kay's enrollment was delayed. Mostly because they had no idea of just how powerful he was. Just now and then they would get a glimpse of his abilities and how strong he was - but they thought he was just lucky. It mostly happened when they were pushing things too far. 

It was before he turned 10 that Kay found out his powers scare the staff. He would test himself when he was alone, in secret. Indeed tis was a form of training, but with no guidance he couldn't know much or even if he was on the right track.

He noticed that sometimes he could get things he wanted if he kept at it. But of course it wasn't enough. Learning about the school happened by accident -or so he thought- and it took a lot of effort to find out more about it. Hearing that he could improve his skills by attending sorta helped him realize why he wasn't attending: the family would lose their power over him.

This was more than enough to make him do whatever he could to convince his family that he must be enrolled. However, upon enrollment, the school was also told that he's a trouble maker and that this is why he wasn't brought here sooner. The school was supposed to supervise him at all times.

The headmaster of the school ensured Kay's guardians they'll keep a close eye on him, just as instructed. However this was partially a lie due to the many rules the school had and not enough staff to enforce them. 

It didn't take Kay too long to see that many rules were constantly broken with no repercussions. The most important of them however, were followed to the T. Breaking those could mean getting expelled, even for the most talented or the most rich. 

Kay arrived at the school, his future home for a while, on a Friday evening. This gave him plenty of time to learn more about the school until Monday morning when he had his first class. 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

If you want to learn more Chinese characters, go to archchinese.com. They own the copyrights for the image.

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Rapidly gaining weight - a nightmare

Publié le par Charly C.

Some of you might remember one of my past entries in which I talked about losing weight, and you can read it here. At the time I promised I'd talk about how I also gained weight. 

It wasn't very easy for me to talk about gaining weight, and the only reason I can find is that this is something a bit hard to think about. Right now, I passed through 2 periods of rapidly gaining weight. 

First time of weight gain

The first time happened after we rehomed a puppy we found on the street. There's no secret that owning a dog makes you go out a lot, and sometimes walk a lot. Owning a dog is great if you need an excuse to go for a walk to either stay in shape or lose some weight. Best results are when you find a dog that needs long walks, that is full of energy. 

Sadly, such a dog is not really happy in an apartment with other pets, or with people who are more lazy than active - such as myself. 

As you know, Kali [the puppy] found herself a home with a dog-loving family [we're more of cat people], and this meant I had no reason to go out and walk as much. This lack of exercise translated into extra 7 kg for me [about 15 pounds]. 

I gained this much weight in about 2 months. Sadly, I can't remember my before or after weight. 14 pounds in 2 months seemed a lot to me, but it really can be worse, like the second time around. 

Second time of weight gain

The second time when I gained weight happened at the beginning of 2017 after I gave up my job as a supermarket cashier. I haven't talked about this job because it needs a separate entry, and I'm not ready for that yet. You can read about other jobs I had though, if you're really curious. 

A bit of background info

Working in a supermarket as a cashier is close to working for the devil himself. And giving up that job was both a good and a bad thing for my health. If you ever worked in a supermarket, you'd know what I'm talking about. 

This place was opened from 7 am to 11pm and we were supposed to work only 2 shifts! i was very "lucky" [can you sniff the sarcasm there?] to work mostly the afternoon shift ... and this meant I'd get home at 1 am [because of random "duties" we were supposed to perform after the store closed]. 

This messed up my sleeping hours, that I tried hard to fix [I used to go to bed at about 3 or 4 am, and managed to make myself sleep quite early at midnight. with my new job, i'd go to bed at about 2 am]. A poor sleeping habit also means poor quality sleep, therefore not getting the rest I needed. Especially for the weekends I had to be there the whole day, from 7 am to about midnight. yes, you read that right - 2 days of 14 hours in a row, meaning on Saturday [make that Sunday morning] I'd sleep 2 or 3 hours? 

Of course, this further led to stress and having a breakdown at work and almost fainting. I also started to feel my overall health impoverishing as my diet was all over the place, not getting enough nutrients from my food. The breakdown and near-fainting happened after a couple of months on the job [wow, that was fast]. At that point I decided my health is far more important, so I decided to quit.

The aftermath

As soon as I finished working there, on New Year's Eve, I went into a sort of coma for 2 weeks straight. I'd sleep for 22 or 23 hours of the day straight with whatever breaks for restroom and food. A lot of it. All of it. Can you imagine what food with no working out does to the body? 

Before starting the job from hell, I was about 59 - 60 kg [so about 130 - 132 pounds]. While on the job [for some 3 months] I went down to 56 - 57 kg [123 - 125 pounds]. When I finally started to need less sleep I noticed i reached 70 kg! [154 pounds].

Gaining some 13 kg [28 pounds] in 2 weeks is insane if you're not pregnant! This happened in January of 2017. Only in October I managed to start losing a little bit of weight. Now, in April I'm about 67 kg [147 pounds]. I'm trying to work out as often as I can, and of course I'm eating much less. 

some advice:

If your job is too demanding and you can barely get any rest, it might be better to give it up, unless it's your dream job. In my opinion, no job is worth risking one's health because health is something we take for granted, but it has no price when we have it. As soon as we get sick, we start shelling all the money we have and don't have, just to get better. 

 

© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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