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real life

Untitled poem

Publié le par Charly C.

Days too bright burn my eyes

tiredness through the roof, I dream of a world others do not know exists.

long blonde locks can soothe my soul in times of crisis.

You'll never find a more supportive and kind person in your life.

Their generosity is limitless, and so is their patience. 

one thing they can't do, nor anyone else can is

To take your pain away. 

Sometimes i feel like i'm in a dream.

The pain reminds me that all this is real.

Buddhist beliefs don't ring with me, but it doesn't mean they're not real.  

 

Mental wellbeing is overlooked and not taken seriously. 

If you feel in a dark spot, at the bottom of the bottle or the barrel,

or even at the bottom of the Eye of London, hang in there. 

It can't rain forever, and things will soon change. 

 

We're stronger than we think.

All we need to keep on going is just one person.  

Not more. one person who believes and supports us and what we do. 

anyone else is irrelevant. 

 

Perhaps normal folks don't have breakdowns. 

Maybe this makes us not be normal.

But we shouldn't care: we're all unique. 

no, not snowflakes. unique. 

Is there something wrong with you?

Do you want to change and improve it?

that's fantastic. if not, that's fine. 

 

Back in the dark bottom. not seeing anyone around. feeling all alone.

cold and wet. unable to move a muscle or articulate a single word.

my throat is scorching dry, unable to think of speak. 

 

plop! ... plop! ... plop! ...

water drips in the distance. 

too far for either of us to reach it. 

500 lashes on the back mean nothing at this point. 

they minimize the pain in the chest. 

 

I'm sharing these images because i'm wondering why did they stop printing cards with such pretty art?! 

Unfortunately, i don't have all the court cards from both decks. I took pictures of the cards i found, and i'm sharing them with the world. There was only one ace too. The aces also used to have really nice art back in those days. 

 

©Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Do you want to buy me a coffee? this is a 1-time donation, thank you very much!

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No, darling, it's not that you can't do it ...

Publié le par Charly C.

... it's that you don't want to do it. There's a difference there.

Hello everyone!

You probably wonder what's this title all about, though it should be self-explanatory. Yet, i need to rant and get angry at certain people and at myself as well, and my blog is the best place and way to do this. 

It's less damaging and maybe, just maybe .... maybe? 

Outcast - Miss Jackson video still; copyrights belong to the creators/band

someone [including myself] will understand this, and stop saying "i can't" and just admit you don't *fducking* want to do whatever there must be done. 

rollback film to what started this rant

Except there's no film to roll back, and i have to explain the situation. if you don't want to read the backstory, feel free to scroll down to the next title. 

This past week [10 to 16 of july 2022] we went out on a very hot day for some beauty treatment. Seeing it was so hot, we decided to have some ice cream, though all we wanted was to drink something.

We found this *NEW* ice cream place uptown that used a chimney cake, aka Kürtőskalács, as the cone for the ice cream. There aren't many flavors of ice cream to choose from, but their names were really cool: fashion vibe or strawberry vibe. This is what they look like: 

As you can (or maybe not so much), the fashion one (on the right), is actually cocoa ice cream with pieces of chocolate, and with the chimney cake covered in cocoa powder. That one was my ice cream. The other one was anna’s and she didn’t want to eat it right away. 

Taking it home was troublesome for this Vibe place didn’t have anything to carry the ice cream in. Luckily, the area has plenty of other options for ice creams and many have containers for takeout.

So, we went to the nearest one, and I asked for one such container. Not for free, mind you. And the cashier says “oh, sorry, I don’t have containers!” They were piled RIGHT behind her! Everyone could see them!

I had to point out that my ice cream was melting and making a mess in her store. That was when she decided to ask her supervisor what to do. This situation turned my into THAT customer that says "can i speak with a manager? :) " 

cats don't want to

‘Can’t’ - reserved for very few instances 

1. PTSD or phobias

These are mental health issues that are difficult to ’cure’ or overcome. They simply incapacitate the sufferer from doing whatever caused them to suffer in the first place. 

Not everyone might suffer to the same degree from the same issue. For instance, I can’t watch scenes with folks trapped in tight spaces: I feel as if I am in their shoes and I start panicking and hyperventilating. Others in the same situation as me might have a different reaction. 

 2. Lack of knowledge

Let's say, you just start learning something new just for fun, or for whatever reason. Someone asks you to help them with a project in your new area of study. All sounds nice, and they even offer to pay for your service.

The problem is when they ask for help on something you didn't get to study yet or is a bit too difficult for you to understand.  

3. Other plans

Let's say you might plan on meeting with your friends a few days in advance, but then you forget or something else comes up that needs your urgent attention. 

In such a case, you clearly have to say "I can't, something else came up that is more important." You don't really need to explain more than this unless it's a close friend. 

4. You're simply unable to do something 

This usually applies to those with a disability. Let's assume you have to climb some stairs, but you're bound to a wheelchair and there's no ramp available. Sadly, there still are places in such a state. It's not as if you're going to crawl to wherever the stairs go. 

It also applies to doing something that goes against your beliefs. This can be related to consuming alcohol, smoking (anything), sleeping with someone to whom you're not married, etc, etc.

Should any of these be the case, it's PERFECTLY fine and acceptable to say "I can't" and you could explain why as well unless it's visually noticeable. 

©Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Do you want to buy me a coffee? this is a 1-time donation, thank you very much!

The first image belongs to Outcast and is shared for educational purposes.

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My offline work experience

Publié le par Charly Cros

For the past 7 years I've been working online as a ghost writer. I love this job, even though I'm not always the best at it.

However I did have several jobs that can be labeled as 9-to-5, therefore full time employment. I will talk about 3 of these jobs in this post, as they're in the same field - sales. I've been a sales assistant in a shoe shop and in 2 clothes stores, and this is where my worst experiences came from.

After reading this, you'll probably say that I should have sucked it up, and bear it ... but that's just not me. My brain is wired differently, and as a result I can't act the way the norms of society tell me to act - plus I'm still a rebel and I'm prone to disobey the rules. But that's for a different entry.

"Romanians find products made of genuine leather to be of a better quality, and looking better, and will prefer it."

I'll now talk about my experience working in a shoe shop. This store - or better said its name - is a well known Romanian brand. its products are made of real leather, and this includes shoes, bags, and belts. How they source their leather, I don't know, and I'm not here to discuss whether this is an OK practice or not. [I will however tell you that Romanians find products made of genuine leather to be of a better quality, and looking better, and will prefer it. This is especially true for those over the age of 35, as younger generations are more influenced by the animal rights movement.]

At this store, I worked 2 weeks in one location, then they moved me to another location. I hated working there -not sure why- and I also didn't understand what was I supposed to do there. They expected me to learn more than 100 products by heart, in a couple of days. Before getting hired, I thought that working in a shoe shop is easy - wrong!

This was my first ever experience working with so many products, clients, and high amounts of money. Despite my lack of experience, they wanted me to check the products on the register - when selling, and to so unsupervised. [So they'll have someone to blame should money be missing, I assume.] They might have shown me how's done, once or twice, but it was super fast, and didn't learn it - I learn at a slower pace.

The other girls didn't seem to like me, and I also disliked them. I remember having to obey weird rules such as standing in one spot if the store had no clients. However, when I did that, they would call the store and tell me to move around. So, am I a statue or not? make up your mind, people. I got fired after those 4 weeks. And you know what? I don't regret it one bit. I wouldn't advise anyone working for this company.

"The main job there was to convince the clients they needed those rags."

At the clothes shops, I also spent 1 month in each, but this was many years after the shoe store happening. I worked for the first clothes store back in 2015. That was another unpleasant experience that mostly messed up my feet. The items sold there were ridiculously expensive but made on the cheap - well, maybe there were a few exceptions, but too few to matter. The main job there was to convince the clients they needed those rags and to make sure we each sell of a certain amount of money each day, to get the sales commission.

That's because here, sales assistants get a fixed salary and a percentage of the total sales made in a month - usually the month before the payday. This store had a sales target per person, per day, equal to the fixed salary. So, if your monthly paycheck was 2000, you had to make sure you sell every day, merchandise worth 2000. Impossible? Well, maybe selling 2 dresses each day, was enough. Except there are not so many people needing a [fugly, elegant] dress every day.

What happened? I failed, and got fired. But I was happy because I had to lie to the clients - something I'm bad at, and dislike doing. Plus some people can tell quality from trash, and can buy the same product for a fraction of the price, from some other place. I also think the other chicks didn't like me as I wasn't as fake as them. I don't have the energy for that.

"The other girls here seemed nice to me."

Working for the 3rd store, was another fail story. I was supposed to receive a full uniform there - they only provided a top. And then they asked me why don't I have normal pants like the other chicks working there - take a guess, Einstein! Just like the first store, this one is another Romanian brand, and their designers are sisters - I had no idea of this before getting hired. Maybe this is why they fired me from here as well.

The worst part of working there, was the CEOs were checking the cameras at all times, not having alarm system, making it easy for people to shoplift. The other girls here seemed nice to me, but I learned they gossiped about me behind my back. I would assume none of the colleagues really liked me was because I didn't want to tell them all my life story from day one.

NOT a sob story nor asking for your pity

So this concludes the story of me working as sales assistant for 3 different shops. I'm not seeing it as a sob story, I don't need to be pitied or anything like that. I just want to point out that working a full time job outside the house is not something made for everyone.

And I wish society accepted this already, and the governments made it easier for people like me to make a living in different ways, not just the "traditional" way.

I still have some stories related to old-fashioned type of employment, but in different sectors. And the experiences there were still unpleasant from my point of view.


(c) Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

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