Please, if you are a victim of any type of abuse, AND the subject triggers you, it's best you stop reading now. The main type of abuse I will touch on is ra-pe. :( oh, and i dislike censoring myself.
I will add a picture to separate more the main/triggering part of this entry from this intro/warning.
This article was triggered by the attitude/words/comments of a Youtube user who will stay anonymous.
The subject of the video was neutral, peaceful, related to some degree to fashion. The user agreed with the video, but it was because of a wrong mindset, as the title (might) suggest. But perhaps you should not read further?
It's -September 2019- scratch that. January 2020 is here now because i didn't have enough power to write this to the end.
I didn't post in a very long time. And I honestly I can't believe I have to type this title in 2019.
The truth is that there are still people out there that STILL blame the victims for what happened to them.
As you already read I was watching a video on why it's important to wear modest clothing. The subject was in the right spot, nothing wrong with it -from what I could tell, nothing triggering. The author was saying BOTH men and women should wear modest clothing. There was no judgement passed towards those who don't. I literally can't recall anything wrong with the video - I really want to make this clear.
The idea was that non modest clothing gives away information about your body that others can use against you, usually through insults and body shaming. the author continued to say that insults make people feel bad (you don't have to be a genius to know this), and feeling bad can easily lead to sadness or depression and other bad stuff. On the other hand, modest clothing hides these flaws, people doesn't have such info to use against you, and will have to rely on other stuff, for instance your knowledge, personality, personal belongings, skills, so on.
The idea is that the body is very personal and intimate, and this is why only our partners usually sees us naked - we're most vulnerable when naked. Many of us feel vulnerable in front of the doctor as well, hence some hospitals have those robes/gowns, to protect our privacy as much as possible.
The user who triggered me was someone who answered to a comment whose author simply said they noticed how differently they (she) were (was) treated when wearing modest clothing VS when wearing more revealing outfits. I personally noticed a similar change, and i'd like to challenge those reading, to try dressing more modestly when going out or to work.
The 2nd user came to say basically that when a woman dresses in a revealing manner, it means "she's asking for it." I honestly can't believe i just wrote that. It was 2019. it's 2020. i can't believe there are still people out there who STILL think this way.
Men AND women are STILL guilty of thinking like that, and teaching their children to think the same. This is why the majority of sexual abuses go un-reported. How come are women thinking this way? I have no idea, but they do. Not believe me? just research the case of the 2 female tourists in Australia who almost got killed and one raped, but managed to escape and the culprit also got arrested. The judge was a woman, she found him guilty on several accounts, except rape! WHAAAT...? HOW???
There are some countries where society is still very conservative, and perhaps the citizens can't think outside the box. Romania is one of them, sadly. But this is not a good excuse. It will never be an excuse.
I want to make something clear:
The only thing people are asking for when putting clothes on, revealing or not, and then going out, is to be left the heck alone. not to be cat-called, followed around, flirt with or worse.
There are the older generations who think like that, and i can accept we can't really change their way of thinking. But we can change the mind-set of the younger generations. We also have means of getting informed or of informing others.
Both conservative men and women should understand once and for all that nobody wants to be abused. in any kind of way.
especially not sexually.
And you know what? men also get sexually abused -by women or other men. these abused men surely didn't ask for it, and some of the ones abused by other men, are not even gay.
Victim blaming needs to stop. it needs to go back to where it came from because the 21st century doesn't need it. it doesn't belong here anymore.
If you have a child, or know someone younger than yourself in your family, try and show and tell them that it is not OK to blame the victim for what happened to them. Nobody wants bad things to happen to them. Tell them it's also not OK to catcall or try and flirt with someone just because they dressed in a revealing way. Try to tell them that when they grow up, they should try and help those who are being harassed or pestered in any way.
© Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.